Saturday, May 11, 2013

Victim Wanted

Are you alone? Sad? Are you a waste of space? Would you like to try new and exciting things (for as long as you last)? Seeking single, white midgets of any gender for a thrilling, temporary opportunity?

Is your home easily accessible?
Do you have any self-defense training?
Do you keep your nails long or short?
Are you allergic to duct tape?
Do you gag easily?
Do you squeal like a pig?
Are you a screamer?
If you were to disappear, would anyone miss you?
Are you claustrophobic?
Are you a hemophiliac?
Can you take a hit or would you fold after one shot?
Do you mind being restrained?
Do you have a purty mouth?
Are you afraid of clowns?
Are you limber\flexible?
Does sexual asphyxiation bother you?
Do you have any STD's? Would you mind one?
Do you mind a submissive role?
Can you escape from confined spaces?

If so, rely with your home address, a recent photo and please leave your doors unlocked!

No midgets were harmed in the making of this post.

We're on our way back from a road trip and one of the topics that has come up is what a questionaire from a serial killer\rapist looks like...this is what we came up with. Yes, we know we're going to hell...

*If this list is at all appealing to you for real, please immediately put a loaded shotgun into your mouth and pull the trigger, you sick bastard.

1 comment:

  1. As irony would have it, at a truck stop along the way, we were served by a MIDGET. AT. MCDONALD'S!!! As a family, we have a very dark, sick, twisted, morbid sense of humor.... needless to say, we laughed til we thought we'd puke. It has been a good, good day.